Taking My Own Back To School Fall Pictures........

Which ones do you like??????????

I'm OK..............

Whew.....didn't know if I was gonna make it through this one......Doctor's say I had a panic attack. This was a first for me and it happenend at work last Thurs. It was terrible, I have never felt anything like it before in my whole life. I couldn't even drive myself to urgent care, I had to call E, who was on the road in his work truck and have him come drive me. Dr gave some ativan and sent me home. Well, sun night, I had another one and insisted on going to ER room. The ER Dr told me the same thing. Am I losing my mind or what? I am on overload at work and wondering what is wrong with me health wise has really been worrying me, but panic attacks? (I have been having stomach/abdominal pain for months now) I guess I worried myself into a panic attack knowing that my dr appt were coming up and I thought something terrible may be wrong. Well since last Thurs, I have been poked and proded numberous time and in numerous places, (thats gross, I know) I have had at least 10 viles of blood drawn for testing and so far everything came back ok. I have had a full blown pelvic exam and ultraound and dr found nothing in my female parts via ultrasound. This Thurs I will have a stomach/abdominal ultrasound and if they don't find anything there, I'll have a scope put down my throat to take some pics and see if there is anything there. YEAH for me, right......As far as my extremely miserable cycles every month, we're gonna start with a simple out patient surgery under general anethesia of course called a D & C. This is scheduled for friday, 10-20. E will taking off work that day to be with me and they do these in Fridays because usual recovery time is just acouple days, so I'll have the weekend. If this doesn't improve my problems, then OB Doc will then try and submit to my insurance to perform what is called a 'lunchbox hysterectomy'. It is a new and very costly procedure that is also an out patient procedure and there's no surgery involved. They will destroy the lining of my uterous and thats it. No more periods for me and goodness knows, we're fine with no more babies. We have enough of of those from kindergarten to college, we're good to go!!! I'm still reading up on this one, trying to find out all the long term effects and stuff, ya know.

So, I'm still alive, and I plan to stay that way for a long while. Halloween is right around the corner and I can't miss our 8th annual Halloween Party. I took last week off and slept most of the week trying to get panic attacks out of my mind and not dwell on things. Plus the ativan helped me sleep too. I am going back to work tomorrow and I am ping to be just fine! I have been praying everyday and yes, sometimes, I even talk to myself. I have to tell myself that I'm gonna be ok, ya know? Call me what you want, it won't bother me. I have to take care of myself now, instead of everyone else..........

VIOLATED......

Gosh, you know that feeling that you see and hear about terrible things happening and at the same time you thank God that is wasn't you. Well it happened to me last Thursday while I was parked at the gym. Here I am, trying to better myself and working out with my sister and during the whole hour and a half that we were inside the gym, someone broke into my van and robbed me blind. Some asshole thieves who cannot take care of themselves in this world the way we do, they have to take our hard working, back busting belongings that we had to save up for before we could even buy them. And the most horrible thing about it is that they will probably never get caught and they will trade my precious belongings for a liitle dope somewhere and not even think twice about it. They got all my personal info as well which meant that I have had to place a watch on all my credit cards and my bank account. I will have to repeat this every three months to keep watch and control of my own identity. As my sis and I were walking out thurs evening (still daylight by the way) she was talking abou thow she did not like to park so far outin the parking lot because it was dangerous in which i was totally agreeing with. We walked her to her van first which was only 3 cars or so away from mine and then I alked on to my van. We noticed a couple of cars and a police officer at the very end of the lot and there was broken glass on the ground and one of the women was sitting on the ground talking on her cell. Man, I thought, poor lady. As I turned through the lot went to grab my cell which I had left in the car to call E and let him know I was on my way, i noticed it was gone. I thought ok, it fell onto the floor or something, then I saw that my work keys were gone from where I put them everyday after work. SHIT..............Ok then I see that my trunk light is on the dash which means my trunk was not shut all the way......Well, I knew that I had not been in the back all day........SON OF A &%#@! I said and I immediately pulled over quickly, shut my car off and got out. I thought what if someone is back there in my car. I circled the car, I did not have my phone to call anyone but found it was clear and drove home crying and feeling violated as heck.................. When I got back into the driver seat I noticed that the DVD players that once were strapped to the back of both seats for the kiddies were also gone......... I continued to drive home and call the police to file a report and figure out what else was missing and make a list of my "report stolen" calls I had ahead of me. Talk about a HUGE MESS that I have been dealing with. Anyhow...I know that all that stuff can be replaced and I thank God that nothing happened to me or anyone else affected by the break ins. I also learned that I won't ever leave any of my personal stuff in my car again.

On another note..... Sun, we went to a swim/BBQ get together with E's work colleagues and it was a lot of fun. It got my mind off of stuff and the kiddies had a blast swimming and playing the games that they had there. It was great! K officially took her life jacket off and YES... she jumped off the diving board and swam to the side and did it again! She is growing up too fast. She is loving Kindergarten and she loves it in the am when I drop them both off at school before going to work. I on the other hand, feel sad and cannot believe what I am doing. Here are some pics from the BBQ on Sun: